Why I Sit with Families before Suggesting Strategies

I started my journey in the special education field as an ABA therapist before I went up to higher clinical role. But my understanding and exposure to special needs started way before—it was when my nephew was diagnosed with mild Autism.

"What is it? What is this condition called autism?," my thoughts echoed more than once. It was right after high school, had zero knowledge about autism, but what I knew that time was my nephew "has" it.

Our lives as a family somehow changed after we received and understood his diagnosis.

And little did I know it will eventually lead me to this path and direction. What we went through as a family, I'll share on a different writing. Before I know it, I've spent my youth working with special needs children, working with parents and caregivers closely, going to school and working with teachers, to support.

Now fast forward to today, my previous role doesn't only involve data sheets, behaviour plans, or intervention strategies.

It involves sitting down with families first.

Before I suggest strategies, before I talk about goals, and before I offer ideas for change, I take time to listen. This, for one, is intentional and it is essential. It is very important for me to create a safe space for parents or caregivers to share without feeling judged or amplifying the guilt that they might already be having as they go through their days.

Well, every behaviour tells a story—I'm pretty sure at this point, you'd have enough of me talking about "behaviour is a communication, behaviour is telling a story, yada yada"—but bear with me. I'm not focusing on behaviour today. I'll save that for another day. Anyway, yes, behaviour tells a story and that story doesn't begin and end with a child—it lives within a family, a routine, a culture, a history, and a set of daily realities.

When I sit with families, I'm not just gathering information. I'm learning:

• What mornings actually look like in your home

• What your priorities are as a parent

• What's worked before and what hasn't

• What feels overwhelming or unrealistic

Without understanding these, even the most "evidence-based" strategy can miss the mark.

As professionals, we bring training and experience. Loads of trainings, of that I can assure you. But families bring something just as important, and that will be deep, lived knowledge of their child.

Parents know their child's strengths, sensitivities, and motivators. They know how stress shows up in their household. And for some parents I've encountered, they know what success would realistically look like for their family. Sitting with families allows me to collaborate rather than prescribe.

The dynamic from "expert giving instructions" is shifted to "team working together".

I strongly hold onto this; meaningful progress doesn't happen without trust. When families feel heard and respected, they're more likely to ask honest questions, share concerns they may have held back, speak up when something doesn't feel right, and follow through with strategies because now these strategies make sense for them.

Taking time to build that relationship is not a delay in intervention, it is a foundation for success.

This is what I learn...

A strategy that looks great on paper may fall apart in real life if it doesn't fit a family's routines or resources that they have. When I sit with families, I can adapt strategies to fit existing routines, respect parenting styles, and create plans that feel doable, not overwhelming.

And this is why I start with conversation. I want families to know, you are not being judged, you don't need to be "doing everything right", your experiences matter. The most important thing that I want families to know, they are an essential part of the process.

When we start with listening, collaboration and respect, and the strategies that follow will be more meaningful. More sustainable and effective.

Because real change doesn't just start with a plan, it starts with understanding.

And understanding is the foundation of support.

With care and intention,

Mary Jane