Why Waiting is an Important Skill to Teach

The art of waiting.

The importance of it is often overlooked.

Years of working with families, I noticed a pattern, and throughout the years, I picked up this specific phrase being uttered more often than not.

"My child cannot wait."

Now, a lot of us parents may have thought that the ability to wait comes naturally. Or learned naturally. In a way, yes, it might be. This is often dependent on the situation that our children are exposed to, and how frequent they have to experience it.

But what we tend to overlook is the fact that 'waiting' is a skill, and it needs to be taught. Why?

I have worked with several families in which their children have faded off therapy and are able to integrate into a school setting. While these children are able to play independently, respond to instructions, and follow some of the class rules, we noticed that these children tend to have low tolerance to waiting. Especially in longer duration.

Now, waiting is a powerful foundational skill that sets a child up for success in terms of their emotional regulation, learning, and long-term independence. It is building the internal skills that they needed to manage frustration, delay gratification, and function successfully in their everyday life.

Waiting is our children's ability to:

• Pause before getting something that they want/desire

• Tolerate delay without engaging in disruptive behaviour

• Manage their feelings when the access to preferred items or activities is not immediate

• Able to finish/follow through with a task when any error is corrected (which means that reward will be delayed).

For our children especially those requiring support, waiting is a skill that is not automatically developed because it needs to be taught intentionally and practiced.

Depending on our child's developmental level, waiting behaviour include:

• standing in a line without pushing

• raising a hand and wait for their name to be called/acknowledged

• sitting calmly while mummy/daddy finishes speaking

• waiting for their turn during play

• waiting for a while before receiving snack/meal/preferred items

In the early stages, waiting may only last for 2-5 seconds and that is still appropriate. This skill will develop gradually over time.

Waiting is closely linked to several essential developmental skills. When we talk about emotional regulation, with waiting skill, our child learn to manage disappointment, rejection, and frustration that they encounter in daily life. In terms of self control, our children learn and begin to understand that not everything is immediate (e.g., preferred items, activities, food, etc). In terms of social development, turn-taking, sharing, and participating in group settings all require the ability to wait. Meanwhile in classroom environment, children are expected to wait for instructions, attention, and help from people around them.

So when our child does not develop this skills, we may observe several challenging behaviours. And often time, without the skill to wait, integrating into schools will also be challenging due to the difficulty to function in group environments, adapting to school routines, and also a strong dependence on adults to meet their needs immediately.

Without waiting skills, everyday situations can feel overwhelming because our reality/life does not immediately give us what we want when we "feel like it" or "we want it."

There's a lot of ways how we can teach our children to wait intentionally.

1. Start small--begin with short waiting interval. Between 2-5 seconds.

2. Using visual supports also helps. Use a timer, or first-and-then boards. Our children can see how long they are expected to wait.

3. Give reward (reinforcer) when our child waits without showing challenging behaviour.

4. Gradually increase the duration. Increase the time to wait only when our child is consistently successful, and the progression should be gradual and achievable.

5. Practice of waiting should be done during moments when they are calm and engaged. It shouldn't be taught when our child is in the middle of a meltdown.

We can teach our children to wait in our everyday routine:

• during snack preparation

• before getting access to their toys

• during a game that requires turn-taking

• while preparing to leave the house

• during classroom group activities

• during conversations

For our children between aes 2-6, this period is especially important for them to build early self-regulation skills. Teaching waiting proactively can help reduce behavioural challenges later on.

And remember, waiting is not an advanced skill reserved for older children, or when our children is older. It needs to start early. All the best!

With care and intention,

Mary Jane

Disclaimer:

The strategies shared in this article are general educational guidelines. Each child has unique developmental needs, abilities, and learning profiles. Parents and caregivers are encouraged to adjust waiting expectations, duration, and teaching methods based on their child’s individual level and tolerance. If a child experiences significant distress or behavioural challenges, professional guidance may be beneficial to ensure strategies are developmentally appropriate and supportive.